Chuck Norris facts

hand picked by Shotgun for the funniness

 

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

 

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

 

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

 

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

 

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

 

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

 

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

 

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

 

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

 

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

 

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

 

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

 

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

 

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

 

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

 

The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.

 

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

 

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

 

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

 

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

,,all true...

 

 

And couldn't the man act....phew....!!!.

 

"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

 

That made me laugh

i love chuck norris him and bruce lee used to be mates. no sh!t

i love chuck norris him and bruce lee used to be mates. no sh!t

 

the scene in the colosseum where bruce kills chuck norris is awesome , is tht "the big boss" ?, cant remember . anyway chuck didnt do to well when bruce got hold of him . chuck norris lol

Hmm... Funny this, I remember I made a thread EXACTLY like this (chuck norris jokes) and it was insta closed by Darth because it was considered by him useless spam... Guess shotgun is the exception.

Hmm... Funny this, I remember I made a thread EXACTLY like this (chuck norris jokes) and it was insta closed by Darth because it was considered by him useless spam... Guess shotgun is the exception.

 

 

rofl dam straight